


A Parting Gift

by hyasinth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Loneliness, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Titan War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 03:57:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20401303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyasinth/pseuds/hyasinth
Summary: After the war is won and the remaining Levi Squad retires from the military, Eren receives a parting gift from a friend as he leaves.He keeps a portrait of her on the mantle above the fireplace in the living room. Not in his bedroom, he'd see it too often. But in the living room so that he may cut his eyes toward her on his way in and out the front door. Heading out, Ma. I'm home, Ma. In the living room above the fireplace so that she may forever reside warm and safe above the flickering embers in the hearth, kept under his watchful eye where no one can hurt her. Not again.





	A Parting Gift

**Author's Note:**

> I was nearly asleep when I thought of this. I started typing on my phone at 729 am and its 9 now so ughghhg \\(*-*)/Was literally at that bit where your brain starts making those incoherent thoughts and all thses random words string themselves together and this happened. Set after the titan war is won. Eren just...misses his friends a lot. (Shh they all miss him too)

He keeps a portrait of her on the mantle above the fireplace in the living room. Not in his bedroom, he'd see it too often. But in the living room so that he may cut his eyes toward her on his way in and out the front door. _Heading out, Ma. I'm home, Ma_. In the living room above the fireplace so that she may forever reside warm and safe above the flickering embers in the hearth, kept under his watchful eye where no one can hurt her. Not again. In the living room above the fireplace so that he may gaze at her and recommit her features to memory as he sips a cup of tea.

As if he'd ever really forget, though. He is the spitting image of her. Seeing his own face in the mirror is almost like seeing her staring back at him. A lot less of the motherly love and nurturing, yes. But his mother's twin nonetheless. It had come as a surprise from Jean.

He had caught Eren on his way off the grounds after the remaining 104th trainee squad and Captain Levi had their official honorable discharge papers approved. He had literally grabbed Eren by the coattails, belongings in hand, and held out the gift face down. Eren had spun to face him and reflected on how much Jean had grown. Physically, yes. Big bastard he was now, all 6 feet and 3 inches of him. In their trainee days Jean didn't even want to share the snack his mom sent to him and now a parting gift? And to _Eren_ of all people? Why the hell is he getting anything from Jean? The only thing he deserves from any of them is a giant, steaming bag of shit and a punch to the gut. But Jean had stood tall and proud, the sun at his broad back and held out the proffered gift and Eren had wondered when the hell the war turned a smug, cocky young boy into a beaten, weathered, grown ass man with traces of crows feet in his battle-hardened eyes. He'd stared for a while. So long, in fact, that Jean felt the need to explain.

"Mikasa and Armin did it with me. It's...for help," he'd offered with a nod toward the item. He still hadn't turned it over and it was intriguing Eren even more now that he'd heard that Mikasa and Armin had a hand in it. Then he really did expect a pile of shit on a platter.

"Thank you, Jean." It didn't feel like enough. How do you say thank someone for saving your ass for 7 years and the last 2 years of that was betrayal and heartbreak and agony that you caused? It was all Eren could offer at the moment. He had floundered for a moment, gaping like a fish until Jean tipped the lip of his sunhat at him.

"I understand, Eren."

Several lifetimes of emotion seized him at that moment and it took all that he had to stay upright. The gripping, squeezing feeling constricted his throat and stole his ability to speak until he was left staring at Jean's back as he walked away from Survey Corps HQ with everything in the world he owned. Eren had taken a shuddering breath and done the same.

When he had made it to the inn for the night he'd avoided the odd rectangle-shaped gift like the plague. It was a simple canvas encased in a wooden frame. There were no wrappings or labels or signatures to allude to what was on the other side. He'd emptied his necessities from his duffel, eaten dinner, and washed up for the night. He was lying on the cot in the dying candle light. It was really now or never because once that candle went out he wasn't getting back up to light another one. He'd cursed himself for how he timidly reached out to grab the item from the nightstand as if it would bite him and took a deep breath before turning it over.

It was her.

It was really _her_. Down to the last detail. In full color, her deep umber ponytail and warm eyes. The slope of her nose, down to her flour-smattered apron. Eren could practically smell the bread baking through the drawing.

His first thought was _how the hell can this be a drawing? I've seen that photograph my father took and this is nearly identical to that. Is this really Jean's work?_

His next thought was _Mikasa and Armin remember this much of her? They love her just as I do. They got every detail, not a single thing out of place. Why would they do this for me_?

His final coherent thought hit him like a ton of bricks. He _really_ needed a hug. He was shocked by how much he really needed arms around him. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Commander Hange, Sasha, his _mother_. Hell, he'd have gone for Captain Levi. It felt like he had been knocked to the ground, seeing her again. Memories don't do any justice. Seeing someone in your mind's eye and seeing them as they were, on paper is two different worlds. Eren had cried like a child that night.

She's a bit of a good luck charm now. He'll give her a quick nod of acknowledgment or a good morning as he passes her. Sometimes he sits and talks to her about his day. He tells her ablut his vegetable garden and the stray cats he feeds. He tells her about how quiet it is since the war ended and how Commander Hange's treatments are working. He tells her about how he doesn't travel nearly as much as he thought he would because he revels in having his own little plot of land to call his. He asks her if she's ashamed of what he's become, of what he's done to his friends. He asks her if she's embarrassed that she raised a monster. He gets on his knees in front on the mantle above the fireplace and swears that it isn't her fault, that she was an incredible mother. He swears to her that he really did love them all but he had to save them, any means necessary. He bows to her and begs her forgiveness. She never answers. Always looks upon him with that same soft smile. She understands.

He sometimes considers reaching out. Having a big family dinner would be out of the question, but one-on-one coffee wouldn't be so bad, would it? They can mend what they had. He's sure that if he just gets a moment with each of them to truly explain, they can allow him to start the process of forgiveness. But then he sees Captain Levi on the streets of one of the new settlements outside of Wall Maria one evening, right eye frosted over with deep gashes licked across his face, hugging a light jacket to his frame. Connie stands at his right, bagging fresh fruits and vegetables as Levi points them out. He's eager to greet them, already hustling his way over to the stall when he stops.

They aren't Captain and Soldier, they are man and man. Eren couldn't bear approaching and making them Captain Levi and Squad Leader Connie again. These are their new lives and Eren won't let himself take any more from them. He couldn't stand to see the years of life drain from them as he walks up. Levi would probably sprout gray hairs on the spot. They've all burned so bright so quickly and they deserve to fizzle out. Eren won't be the one to put out their fire. He watches as Levi pays for his groceries and he and Connie head back the way they came and disappear around the corner. Eren figures he's done enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted the end to be sort of sweet sort of sad. Eren desperately wanting to reach out to his friends after everything is said and done to make amends. Eren being lonely and wanting the comfort of his founfmd family. Eren desperately wanting them to know that they're precious to him. Eren being afraid to ruin the lives they've made for themselves and loving them from afar. Them all loving Eren right back. (*n*) I'm on tumblr at goodboylevi come say hi~~


End file.
